SchadeBLOG

I have a truck. A 1986 Ford F-150 with a 5.0 liter 302 engine. I call him Bruno.

Yes, I have named my truck.

I know, vehicles are supposed to be females, right? This truck is no woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a woman. I, personally, like women quite a bit. My wife is a woman.

But if you were to look at this truck, I think you would agree with me that he’s definitely a guy. He’s got the whole guy mentality; he’s not concerned about his looks, he likes offroading, and he would probably get mad if his wife scheduled a “get together” with “friends” during a pivotal World Series game.

Lately, though, Bruno hasn’t been feeling too good. He had problems with acceleration. I figured it was just a sign of his old age. He is, after all, nearly 20 years old. Probably something related to the fuel delivery system, or maybe a vacuum problem. As usual, it would involve a major motor-vehicle part called a mass fuel-injector motivational speaker or something, and would most likely cost millions of dollars to repair. I was concerned that it would be outside of my ability to fix, and so naturally - being a guy - I refused to even place myself into a situation where I might have to admit my weaknesses. You guessed it, I didn’t take it in for evaluation. The direct result of this was sluggish performance and a propensity for the truck to consume mass amounts of gas.

It couldn’t possibly be what everyone was telling me it was; a clogged fuel filter.

I just replaced that filter, after all. Never mind that it was two years ago when I did that. That’s not what’s important. The important thing is it was newly replaced, okay? So focus on that part.

Anyway, so I’m thinking it shouldn’t be the filter. But then I remembered that the rear tank in the truck was unusable - the pump is gone on it. I can’t syphon the gas that’s in it, so it’s basically just sitting there getting all gunky and stuff. Every now and then, using the very same rationalization that kept me from believing that the fuel filter was fine, I would switch to the rear tank thinking that it would have miraculously fixed itself. The truck would still run, but barely. I got the impression that it was sucking that old black gunky gas from the rear tank, somehow, and drawing it into the dilivery system. This realization led to what I would call an epiphany.

“Hey!” I said to myself - which is a funny thing to be saying to myself, but that’s not important right now. I said, “Maybe it’s the fuel filter!” Remember, this is exactly what everyone had been suggesting to me. And when I say “everyone” I mean “all the people that I asked regarding this problem and who was in a position to give me advice”.

So last night I changed the fuel filter, and now the truck can accelerate like a cheetah, only it’s not chasing after gazelles or whatever it is that cheetahs chase when they’re hungry.

And so the pendulum of my opinion on my truck has currently swung back to “My truck rocks”. I imagine it should only be about 23.89 hours from the moment I switched the fuel filter before something else on that beast breaks.