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So, I’m talking with my sister-in-law - we’ll call her Sally because she doesn’t want me to tell you her real name is Katie. So Sally and I are talking about, of all things, table saws. I point out the one I want from Sears, and the following exchange takes place:

Sally: What would you do with it?”

Me: Cut stuff with it.

I mean, really, is that a question that needs to be asked? What else are you going to do with a table saw? Drill stuff with it? Hammer stuff with it? Then it goes on:

Sally: I meant project-wise, what would you do with it?

Me: The saw would be used during the part of the project that needs stuff to be cut.

I wouldn’t have to go into such detailed explanation if I were talking to a guy. And therein lies the problem with man/woman conversations. Women need all kinds of extra information that guys don’t deal with. For example:

Woman 1: Oh, I love your shoes!

Woman 2: Thanks, aren’t they great?

Woman 1: Where did you get them?

Woman 2: Nordstrom’s. They were on sale!

Woman 1: What size do you wear? I can’t ever seem to find cute shoes in my size.

Woman 2: Oh, they have a great selection at Nordstrom’s. And the men there are so cute! Too bad they’re all gay.

Woman 1: The good ones always are.

And so on, and so forth. See how much time was wasted? Let’s look at this same conversation between two men, now.

Guy 1: Hey! Those are nice shoes!

Guy 2: Gay!

See?! The conversation was complete. No time wasted. Guy 1 was able to express appreciation for Guy 2’s shoes in a complete concise way, and Guy 2 was able to acknowledge Guy 1 while at the same time expressing concern for Guy 1’s overall intentions.

I think women have this gene in them, or something, that prevents them from being able to just ask a single question and not need all the details. Maybe it’s one of those redundant genes or something, that is no longer really needed but still hangs around just to annoy men. Kind of like an appendix. Maybe sometime, back in the prehistoric days, there was a need for humans to need to know all of the extraneous details.

Groc: Thack! Me spot T-Rex in big field behind Macy’s!

Thack: Good, Groc! It wear cute shoes?

Groc: Yes. Very cute. On sale, too! Might have in your s…AAAAAAHHH!

I think we can see from this example just exactly why men have determined that giving extraneous details was not a good idea.

Some topics that I have learned will always require extra information if I mention them to my wife:

• Babies - anyone who has had a baby. Even if we don’t know them.
• New houses - anyone who is in the process of buying or has bought a new house. Even if we don’t know them.
• Political candidates - anyone who might be running for any kind of office. Even if we don’t know them.

Of course, you will say that the simple thing is to just not say anything to my wife. But that’s another problem area. Women have this innate capability of knowing when you know something about something.

Wife: So how was work, today?

Husband: It was nice.

Wife: So what you’re saying is that Mike and his wife had a new baby? Oh, that’s so wonderful for them! Tell me all the details.

This is one of the few abilities in women that I find fascinating. Mainly because I’m trying to invent a method of thwarting it.