A couple of weeks ago, I was sent on a mission to the bowels of Arizona. A small town known as Douglas. I make it no secret how I feel about that place. It's old and dirty and from my perspective, it looks like the last time anyone thought to even care about it was about six billion years ago. It is not my favorite place to be. If someone were to hold my family hostage and tell me that to get them back, I'd have to live in Douglas for a week or trudge through leach infested sewers to battle two great white sharks and six crocodiles, I'd take the sharks and crocodiles.
Unfortunately, nobody gave me that choice. At least, I didn't know that there might even be one. I was told I had to go. So I did. I went down to assist with the testing of some new wireless communications equipment. The good news here is, I didn't have to go all the way into Douglas and I got to battle a ferocious rattle snake. I may be embellishing that last statement just a tad. It might not have been me that actually battled the snake. In fact, I might not have even been anywhere near the snake at the time, but it sure did sound good. I do have pictures of the snake, though.
I suppose that I should count my blessings. I didn't actually have to stay in Douglas for the full week, to include staying overnight. Nor was I actually in Douglas. I was about eight miles away at the Bisbee Douglas International Airport and High Security State Prison. I am almost not making that up. Both are accessed from the same road off the main highway. Here's the sign.
Mrs. Schadeboy sees absolutely nothing funny about this sign. To me, it's hilarious. I kid you not that the airport and this High Security State Prison are right next to each other. Kind of gives knew meaning to the term "flight risk".
So why was I there, you ask? I was there testing this.
What you're looking at here is called a Troposcatter Radio Ectoplasmic Flux Capacitor or something. Now I should clarify that I didn't actually test this thing. I took part in the test, but I only collected the raw data that we are now analyzing. I won't say who the actual vendor that built this is, but their name rhymes with "Baytheon." Basically, what this system does is send a bazillion watts of particle energy out into the sky, effectively cooking the seven hundred billion flying ants that had swarmed the area the day before. These little pesky flying ants for some reason really liked that antenna. They swarmed it to within inches of its life and when the thing powered up, they dropped like flies. Except they were ants.
Me and the Troposcatter antenna, just in case you didn't believe I was actually there. If you can walk away with anything from this photo, it's that Schadeboy and the Troposcatter Antenna of Doom would be a good name for a summer action blockbuster movie. Now the only thing I need is a snake.
Ah! Here we go. Snake in a tent. This little guy, probably no more than 4 years old, happened upon our camp. Unfortunately, I was not around when it happened. This picture was taken at about 4:30 in the afternoon, about 30 minutes after I left the site for the day. One of the Baytheon guys took this photo. Then they proceeded to kill the poor creature with a sledgehammer. I am not making this up. But it was necessary. Do I need to point out that this is a rattle snake? The poisonous kind? That will bite you? The guys didn't want to kill it, but the darned snake just would not leave, no matter how many times they played Kevin Federline's latest "song". It really would have been a lot easier if the snake had just gone away, but it wouldn't. For a snake, it seemed unusually interested in the test being done. I suspect it was a spy for a competing vendor.
I know what you're thinking, here, and I don't blame you. I was wondering why the Baytheon guys had a copy of Kevin Fenderblind's latest song, as well.
Things weren't all bad, though. Arizona is enjoying it's first real Monsoon in over five years. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but I will say that our Monsoon is very interesting. For example, only in Arizona can you have beautiful blue skies on one side of you, and torrential downpours on the other, all in the same day, as in the photo above.
And when it rains, it RAINS.
This deluge happened on the last day of testing. The time is about 2:30 in the afternoon. Don't confuse those large white blobs in the foreground for ghosts or spirits (as some people actually do). Those are rain drops that were caught in the flash from the camera. Lightning was prevalent during this storms, as well. We had several strikes very close to our location. A couple of our guys on site said the strikes were probably within a couple hundred yards of us. I was very concerned that the antenna would get hit and destroy all of the equipment, thereby insuring that we'd have to go home early. I was so certain concerned that this would happen, that I was sitting in my truck when I took the picture.
Another interesting aspect of our Monsoon is how quickly the rain can come and go. One minute it could be coming down harder than a Terry Tate Office Linebacker hit and the next it could be as bright and cheery as a Mormon's smile. Of course, when you get 45 minute drenchers and you're sitting in a huge sand pit, you get mud. Lots of it. I have posted this image before, but I still think it's interesting. Maybe not award winning, but interesting none the less.
So that's it. That's what I was doing in Douglas, Arizona. Hell's armpit. It wasn't all bad, I realize. I'm sure there's worse places to be. Iraq comes to mind. I did get to work with some very interesting people and some very cool equipment, too. And there's really not too much to complain about when you can get paid to sit around and watch ants eat a chicken breast. So in closing, I leave you with another cool photo. As you enjoy the picture, just remember this; Hell's Armpit may be my description of Douglas, but it's also a good name for a rock band.








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1 Shelli // Aug 23, 2006 at 6:47 pm
You know, I hate hot. And I really hate hot and humid! I don't think I would like Douglas that you explain as Hell's Armpit.
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