HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
The following health tips come to you directly from a highly skilled reliable well regarded source. it should be known that views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog (though these tips seem sound enough to me).
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : Woo Hoo, what a ride!" -unknown
1 response so far ↓
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1 John Shaw // Sep 17, 2006 at 12:57 pm
HOLY CRAP! Offering advice on Health Care Issues without a Medical
Degree is not only illegal it’s cruel. You are obviously only 12 years old
and impersonating a mature adult type responsible person.
Listen up Brat: I’m forwarding your Blog to the Sturgeon General for
prosecution. Go to your room right now, clean it thoroughly, then
stand in the corner until the Blog Police show up with restraints. My
bookmarking of SchadeBLOG does not imply endorsement or
approval. My word are protected by Copywrite Laws and must not
be READ without written approval.
My hysterical laughter while scanning your site indicates that I’ve
forgotten to take my medication but when I find my pills and contact
the proper authorities you will be in deep sheep. Your comments on
the BarryBlog are monitored by the CIA. You are now a candidate
for The Hostage Exchange Program in Iraq. You will feel right at
home there. They’ve got a lot of camels there that look remarkably
similar your personal Blog picture. Nice teeth. Consider ear and
nose rings. You’ve been warned! John S.
PS: luv your stuff. Hope you can Blog from Baghdad when deported.
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