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Today is the first day of 2007.  A time to reflect on the past year, and a time to look forward to a new one.  Most people take an opportunity to forge new goals for their lives, as well.  I am not necessarily one to make New Year’s resolutions, but I’ve done it from time to time.  I was even serious once or twice.

There is a serious problem with New Year’s Resolutions, though; they tend to fail miserably within the first few weeks or even (as in my case) days.  Throughout history, people have been making resolutions that eventually get broken.  For example, here is a transcribed announcement made by the then famous internationally renowned painter and architect Leonardo Da Vinci while attending an upscale New Year’s Eve party in his home town.  This declaration was made just minutes after midnight on New Year’s Day, 1495.

Leonardo Da Vinci: I resolve to never paint anything that will become the centerpiece of a highly controversial novel which subsequently gets made into a major motion picture starring Tom Hanks.

Anonymous voice: Yeah, good luck with that one, Leo!

And then we have this beauty, overheard at an office party on January 1, 1900:

Sigmund Freud: I resolve never to have my name referenced when anything remotely resembling a male anatomical unit is displayed.

Or, for something in more recent history, we have this resolution, overheard by a White House correspondent during a rather raucous New Year’s Eve party held by a famous US president:

President: I resolve to never be impeached, or have jokes made at my expense because of some sort-of pretty intern with a cigar.

Resolutions are important.  They give us an opportunity to recognize within ourselves certain character flaws that we believe need fixing.  The problem is that most of the character flaws that we choose aren’t exactly what others want us to choose.  I’m almost positive my wife would love it if I resolved to learn how to do the dishes.  However, my lack of dish washing skills, in my opinion, isn’t an area that I need to improve upon.  I’m quite happy with my ignorance in this area.

Still, for the most part, I do think that resolutions are a waste of time.  However, this year I have decided that I will take advantage of my pessimistic attitude towards such dauntless goals.  I have come up with some that should provide some interesting results.  They are designed in such a way that should I fail at them, I will actually succeed.  I have written what I call my List of Not Resolutions, which I will now publish for your amusement entertainment interest.

1. For 2007, I resolve to not become a better husband to my wife, to include being more involved in cleaning and organizing our home, providing reprieves for her from our children, and being more involved in the overall management of our home and family.

2. For 2007, I resolve to not become a better father to my children, to include providing a better example to them for how a holder of the Melchizedek Priesthood should behave with their mother and how he upholds his duties and responsibilities to others.

3. In line with Resolution Number 2, For 2007 I resolve to not spend more time with my children in a productive, loving manner; teaching as well as playing with them, even if that means playing dress-up with my daughters and attending (non-caffeinated) tea parties with little pink cups and saucers.

4. For 2007, I resolve to not lose 100 pounds, learn to eat appropriate portions, and eat more healthy foods.

5. For 2007, I resolve to not use my Weider Crossbow exercise/weight trainer/home decoration.

6. For 2007, I resolve to not become a better worker, in regards to both my day job, my part-time teaching job, and my new business.

7. For 2007, I resolve to not become better at managing my finances and my tendency to indulge in spending on frivolous items like iPods and cell phones.

8. For 2007, I resolve to not get into further debt, and certainly to not get out of the debt I already have.

Those are my resolutions.  Considering that most people don’t seem to make it beyond one month after making their resolutions, I expect total and complete failure by February.  And I so look forward to failing.