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I took a trip recently to a beach somewhere on the coast (odd that you’d find a beach along the coast) around La Push, Washington. I was on a trek. To find vampires.

You read that right. I was looking for vampires. And I found them. A bunch of them.  Up the road a bit from the beach in a small town called Forks, Washington.  They’re very cool (ha ha), quite attractive, and really like to play baseball. They’re also very strong and one of them can see the future, while another one can read your thoughts. The females are extremely good looking, and I had a hard time not checking out the one called Alice (don’t tell my wife). Her husband was not all to happy about this, but hey, I’m Schadeboy, right? I mean, what was he going to do about it?

Well, actually, it turns out he could do a lot. Mostly, turn me into a vampire. Against the wishes of his family, he gave me a small bite on the arm. Amazingly, he managed to not drink my blood (I’m told this is not an easy thing for a vamp (I call them vamps) to do). A painful three days later, and I’m a vamp myself, complete with super-human strength and shiny skin.

Don’t believe me that vampires have shiny skin? You have obviously never read the Twilight series of books by Stephenie Meyer. Not only do we sparkle, but we’re incredibly strong, we do not burn up in sunlight (as Buffy the Vampire Slayer would have you believe), Holy Water doesn’t do anything but make us wet, and not all of us drink the blood of humans. Some of us are vegetarians…so to speak. We only drink the blood of animals - don’t ask me how this makes us vegans. It just does, okay? Anyway, on top of this, I got my own set of cool superhuman powers. Not only can I read minds, see the future, and leap tall buildings in a single bound, but I have the capacity of listening to a Kevin Federline song for all of ten seconds without falling into a coma.

Here I am at a beach near La Push, Washington. Click the image for a larger view. The dark specs where my eyes should be are my sunglasses. The angle and the glowing shimmer around my face makes them look weird, I know. Don’t make fun of me, or I’ll have to bite you.

And once you’ve read the books, head on over to Twilight Teez, LLC to pick up a few shirts!

Okay, for those who know me, you know that I am most likely not actually on this beach. In fact, I am in my backyard, which is actually in Arizona. The beach photo is somewhere on Earth, theoretically. Google image search wasn’t all to clear on exactly where. I searched for photos at or near Forks, Washington and this is one of only a few that had sunshine in it. I am not making that up.